29 December 2011

The Reverse Bucket List

So I got to thinking about New Year's Resolutions the other day.  And while I thought of a few that I will probably be able keep, it was much easier and more enjoyable to think off all the things I DO NOT want to this year, or ever.  Nobody likes feeling like a failure when their resolutions fall through, so here is my list of things to avoid in 2012 and onward.

1. Plummet at an inhuman speed towards the planet Earth.  This includes skydiving, bungee jumping, cliff diving, or even jumping off the high rise diving board.  I hate heights, have an extreme fear of falling to my death, and just don't understand why you would jump out of a perfectly good plane.  

2. Get chased by a chainsaw again.  Granted, this was at a haunted house so I knew I wasn't in any real danger, but you try telling that to the limbic system of a girl who cried when she saw the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  

3. Live in a huge, beautiful house... all alone.  The most important thing is to be surrounded by the people you love.  When it comes down to it, that's the most valuable thing in life and should always be a top priority.  

4. Yardwork.  Enough said.  I hate that shit.  

5. Have any type of medical emergency.  Have y'all ever tried to get insurance when your medical history is messier than the snot covered face of a toddler with a cold??  It's pretty damn near impossible.

6. Climb Mt. Everest.  Or any other big mountain. for that matter.  I know some people love this stuff, but I would cry at the cold and hunger and every other hardship.  Plus, did you know that on the way up, certain bodies that have been there for years are used as markers to gauge exactly where you are? Cah-reepy.  

7. Run with the bulls.  Once again, enough said.  I have no intention of getting impaled by a big angry mammal.  

8. Run the New York City Marathon.  If you have the dedication to run any marathon, I applaud you.  It's just totally not for me, seeing as how I HATE running.  And I heard that you have to stand in line for so long waiting for it to start after registering that people forgo the long porta-potty lines in favor of pissing and shitting in the street.  As if the streets of NYC weren't dirty enough already.

9. Sit in the back of a squad car.  By all means I probably should have already done this, but seeing as how I have made it 25 years without being en route with the law, I'd like to keep it this way. 

10. Have a nudie photo scandal.  Now, this one I am not worried about since I am not a promiscuous teen with the great idea to send her boyfriend photos, but I needed a number 10 because 9 was a weird number to end on.  Plus I see it on the tabloid covers all the time.  

What are some things y'all want to avoid in your lifetime?  Make your own list- it was fun!  And may all of you have a safe and fashionable New Year's Eve- can't wait to see all the outfit posts afterwards! 



Karen aka Mum said...

Agreed except number 8-- I am aiming for the NYC marathon in 2013!I figure if I am running that far that I want to enjoy the scenery!!

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